Nothin' on Top But a Bucket and a Mop

I seem to be experiencing a little downtime in my thoughts these days, and as much as I would love to self indulge in a little pity party of one, I feel foolish in doing so. There is no justification for me whining about how unfair my life is, only because I am feeling bored, stuck, and anxious. I can see so much room for improvement, things I can control in my own life that will help put my thoughts back on track, but they seem so far out of reach and it seems almost impossible to get past my own feelings of fruitlessness. Everything I have in my life to this point has been a goal achieved, and the sense of contentment I once felt is slowly slipping away and the itch is setting in; the overwhelming urge and desire for some sort of sweeping change that will quiet these dark and restless thoughts and replace them with a renewed sense of Self.

Oh but it all sounds so simple! For a NORMAL person maybe, but I consider myself my own worst enemy. Plagued with momentary lapses of reason and self indulgent behaviour, I continue to assume a position on the sidelines of my life, watching each day as it passes me by, never fully acknowledging that my apathy and procrastination are what is keeping me from my own personal growth and satisfaction. It is a terrible affliction, and I keep thinking that time and age will automatically change these things about me, but so far.. nothing. It seems I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. In other words, its up to me to change what I don't like; A lesson learned many times, but always forgotten. Sometimes I wait for answers to fall out of the sky and solve all my little 'problems' because it seems so much easier than the alternative.


I think we all get stuck into a certain pattern of thinking and living and sometimes it's just plain hard to break the cycle. Continuing in the familiar can be far more comforting than forcing yourself into creating new habits, routines and ways of thinking. Life changes are exhausting at best but if we don't make these changes how do we continue to grow and learn as individuals? I know I would rather reach a plateau in happiness only to see there is more up ahead no matter how hard the climb might be, than to reach that plateau and blindly settle for the mediocre.