It's Like Blinking (Forever Young!!)

So....29, eh? It's my birthday, and how do I feel? Once upon a time, a birthday was exciting, almost like you were getting that much closer to reaching a destination in life you had always dreamed of. When your dreams turn into reality, and reality isn't exactly what you dreamed it would be, birthdays seem to lose their air of excitement, and instead, turn into (in my case at least), an apathetic situation where you either A) Decide to fret over your passing days as if they are indefinitely numbered (which, when you think about it is most certainly true!). Or B) escalate into sheer mania as if your birthday is just another excuse to inebriate yourself beyond control just so you can continue believing you are Invincible and Untouchable and Forever Young . I find myself hovering in between the two. In my eyes, this is the best that can be expected! Thirty, however, may be a different story.

I am absolutely contemplating my life on this, my historic 29th birthday, the single last year of my 20's! I contemplate my life on every birthday and give thanks to all the joy (and sorrow!) I have been allowed to experience since my birth. My life is a gift and I intend to appreciate it (if not value it!) for what it is worth, even if it doesn't seem like much at times. I told K tonight that this Birthday, for me, was not about a fear of growing old, and a realization that is inevitable. Instead I am feeling confusion, and awe that 10 years has passed by me and I've hardly been aware of what has been happening.

It's like blinking. When you blink, your eyes close. When your eyes close, you stop seeing, even if only for a millisecond! On the scale of life, the amount of time your eyes remain closed is equal to about three years according to my calculations, and during this time, you stumble and you fall flat on your face at least once, only to open your eyes to rediscover your surroundings and to reposition yourself accordingly before the next black out occurs! I've repositioned 3 times so far since my eighteenth birthday, and what scares me is, even though I now I believe I am truly seeing, I know from experience my eyes must be closed right now. I wait in wonder and fear of what I will see when I am finally blinded by the light of day.

K told me that I was too deep for her tonight and she needed some wine to contemplate that. Unfortunately, she had to work, and so here I am contemplating it to myself. And listening to the Doobie Brothers!!

Now how is THAT for contemplatating your life, people;listening to music on YouTube that makes you feel like you are a kid again!