The anticipation of one moment often ruins the authenticity of said moment. When we are talking about things like death, and birth, those moments are severe in emotion and reactions (regardless of how long we have anticipated them), and, I believe, are totally unique and spontanious in their origins. Although, never experiencing birth, or planned death, I cannot be sure. For the premis of this blog, I have to assume that is true. The things I am speaking of are superficial in nature, like recieving an award or going on a first date. We often imagine, assume, and try to predict things in a way that either sets us up for failure or disappointment. At least, that is usually my experience!

I am thinking specifically about times when I practiced my part in the various possible scenarios of life events such as meeting with an ex for the first time, or having a first date with the 'man of your dreams', or even seeing an old friend for the first time in a very long time. Oh, don't get me wrong, we don't always experience failure or dissapointment, but not very often do things go as we planned they should, for better or worse!

I have been experiencing a very peculiar sensation lately. I have been feeling oddly content, and satisfied with an impending event in my life. There should be multitudes of speculations, anxieties and preparations for this future event, and yet, there are not. I feel calmed, and oddly reassured that everything is to go as it should. And obviously, where there is no anxiety present, I must on some level feel that things are going to go well; very well.

I guess at this point I should reveal, this new event is the first meeting between me and someone I have been frequently chatting to online. Meeting new people can be akward for me, and I don't feel any akwardness about this meeting even though the way we are getting to know eachother (pre face to face meeting) might be considered akward. Talking online will usually lead to promises made that cannot or might not be kept, but these online conversations are not like that in any way, shape , or form.

Why is feeling content a peculiar sensation for me?