Let's Get Philosophical For a Moment...

I am sitting here contemplating my past, present and future, and I find myself wondering; when, exactly, does your past become your past? I understand the concept of 'the past' as far as a timeline is concerned, but the heart rarely surrenders to the logic of the brain, at least in my experience. Just because something happened long ago, does that mean we are supposed to forget about it, stop feeling its effects before it can truly be considered our past? If we carry these emotions with us long after the event has taken place, how can we consider it our past when it continues to effect our daily decisions, feelings and routine?

When I was about 4, I watched a young friend of mine be abducted by a strange man. As a young child, I never really understood the gravity of that situation as it was happening. As I've gotten older, it seems this issue is no longer a part of my childhood and has become a major influencing factor in my thought process and view of the world. To this day, I still think about this girl, and many of my actions and reactions to daily events around the world and my own life are based on the silent outrage I now feel as an adult, reliving that incident over and over again in my mind. My brain knows it is the past (it happened over 20 years ago!), but my heart feels it as if it were yesterday. That confusing life experience is very much a part of who I am in this present tense. Therefore, can it really be considered my past?

Now I am struggling with confusion of another past experience, in the wake of something new and possibly wonderful. I understand I should be able to walk away from that heartache, but certain events are forcing me to relive those feelings even though I had buried them deep in the dusty, cobweb-covered recesses of my mind. I am considering the fact that being forced to reconcile these awful emotions going to allow room for new feelings to grow, but I also recognize these same feelings may very well alter the course of my present, and future, for better or worse. Am I ready for that? If I confront the issue head on, will this past event that has been haunting me be left in the past, both in my head and heart?

Whew! It's can be dangerous, confusing and exhausting diving so deep into a shallow pool!